I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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