Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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