Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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