I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
