I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
