note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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