So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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