and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
