If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
