I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
