Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
