What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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