You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
