his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
