Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
