the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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