We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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