I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
