next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
