her vagine was all disorganized.
my sisters under your porch take her home
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
