I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
