he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
