tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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