no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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