i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
