I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
