nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
