sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
