So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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