We're like a lot better than the average bears
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
