Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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