Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
