i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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