He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dick very happy bro
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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