Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i now understand why vodka
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
