i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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