well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
whose parrot is this?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize