They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
