Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish you could order shots online.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
