there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
