ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
