apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i came on her dog
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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