No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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