There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
