YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
