She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
