she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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