I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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