omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
