I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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