Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
